Wednesday, 16 May 2012

The Little Grubbers Exiles XIII

With Nathan Brown getting tetchy about what people look like and how they sound, we're pretty sure that he's going to start pontificating about the Exiles squad soon, perhaps even as early as this Friday's game with Wigan.

In an attempt to head him off at the pass, we're going to come up with a side that will meet his exacting standards, by which if you're going to pick a team called the Exiles, then they'd better look and sound like actual exiles and not people who are choosing to do a job of work in a different country to their own.

With that in mind then:

Dalai Lama (Tibet). Exiled in: India. Exiled for: Chinese political expediency. Position: Coach.

Idi Amin (Uganda). Exiled in: Saudi Arabia. Exiled for: Systematic corruption, killing of political opponents, general dictatorly shenanigans. Position: Nutrionist.

Napoleon (France). Exiled in: Elba, St Helena. Exiled for: The French got fed up of his increasingly bizarre Empirical behaviour. Position: Full-back.

Umberto II (Italy). Exiled in: Portugal. Exiled for: Being the king of Italy when the revolution came. Position: Wing.

Karl Lowenstein (Germany). Exiled in: USA. Exiled for: Critical of the rise of Nazism in 1930s Germany. Position: Centre.

Bohumil Laušman (Czech Republic). Exiled in: UK. Exiled for: Member of Czechoslovak government-in-exile post WWII. Position: Centre.

Cicero (Rome). Exiled in: Ancient Greece. Exiled for: Conducting extrajudicial executions. Position: Wing.

Bartolomé Calvo (Colombia). Exiled in: Puerto Rico. Exiled for: Ousted as President of the Granadine Confederation in Colombia after a coup. Position: Stand-off.

Jhonny Haikella Hakaye (Namibia). Exiled in: Angola, Zambia, Uzbekistan. Exiled for: Demanding freedom for Namibia, socialism. Position: Scrum-half.

Raphaël Alibert (France). Exiled in: Belgium. Exiled for: Royalist tendencies. Position: Prop.

Bernardo O'Higgins (Chile). Exiled in: Peru. Exiled for: Deposed dictator of Chile. Position: Hooker.

Stanisław Thugutt (Poland). Exiled in: Sweden. Exiled for: Ousted as Minister for Internal Affairs after Nazi invasion of Poland. Position: Prop.

Yilmaz Güney (Turkey). Exiled in: France. Exiled for: Making films while being Kurdish. Position: Second row.

José Sisto (USA). Exiled in: The Phillippines. Exiled for: Seizing power in Guam, embezzlement. Position: Second row.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (Russia). Exiled in: West Germany. Exiled for: Dissident writing. Position: Loose forward.

Teodoro Picado Michalski (Costa Rica). Exiled in: Nicaragua. Exiled for: Being in charge when the military decided to take over. Position: Replacement.

Paul Magloire (Haiti). Exiled in: USA. Exiled for: Organising two military coups, embezzling relief money after Hurricane Hazel. Position: Replacement.

Abdulrahman al-Nuaimi (Bahrain). Exiled in: Syria. Exiled for: Organising political opposition. Position: Replacement.

Kurmanbek Bakiyev (Kyrgyzstan). Exiled in: Belarus. Exiled for: Autocratic ruler that brought his country to ruin leading to popular uprising that overthrew his givernment. Position: Replacement.

And we'd very much like to see Nathan Brown argue with that.

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